Sing Your Heart Out
K.L. Orion
Sorry for the third post about music in a row. But music has been on my mind a great deal lately considering upon getting back from a vacation with very musical stops (as I described in my last two posts, Congo Square and Godless Gospel), I was plunged deep into jazz band season, high school musical preparation, solo/small ensemble contest practice, and a new wave of concerts. That brings me to my next apology; sorry for the inconsistency of posts. I know that in order to properly run any sort of online publication, be it a YouTube channel, TikTok account, or Substack column such as this, you need to upload content consistently. Unfortunately, being a high schooler, I am running a sort of double life between Substack and education. When Robert Leonard (a man who had many wonderful Substack columns, including Deep Midwest: Politics and Culture) first introduced me to Substack, he told me to prioritize making it through high school over Substack. Right now, that is the decision I am forced to confront because of the things previously mentioned. However, here in a few weeks time I’ll be granted with a lot more free time, and I have big plans for when that time comes.
But in the midst of this busy time, what compels me to write this particular post? Well, it’s because of the business. Recently, my choir had a pop concert. It’s a night where both the auditioned choir and the non-audition concert choir perform more popular songs rather than the usual often religious choral pieces performed for contests and Christmas concerts. But it has more significance in the fact that in between performances of the choirs there are auditioned soloists from either ensemble who can choose any song they want to perform. It can be anything from rock to country to blues to pop, whatever they want. And it doesn’t just have to be a sung piece. We had three piano performances from students that night. One kid wrote his own song on piano, another one performed a beautiful classical piece on piano, and the third sang WHILE playing piano.
Because of the opportunity to sing or play whatever you want at a pop concert, it is a big deal every year. I am in both the auditioned and non-audition choirs, but I did not prepare a solo. There were many others in that boat with me, and we were expected to sit quietly and respectfully watch the soloists perform. Respectfully. This is the part I feel inclined to make a disclaimer. The rest of this post’s tone will likely come off fairly angry, which is because I write this mostly out of anger and frustration. But most of all, probably out of sadness and disappointment. I typically try to refrain from writing purely based on emotional impulse, but I feel this time around it’s important I speak out about this issue I encountered that night.
Many of the auditioned choir students sat together while the soloists were performing. And before I go any further, I’d like to congratulate those soloists who put on fantastic performances. Unfortunately, that same respect wasn’t given by some of my fellow classmates. Two boys from the auditioned choir in front of me were being fairly disrespectful, going on to make fun of some of the soloists on stage, especially those who weren’t in the auditioned ensemble. Sure, I heard some other comments from other people here and there, but they were brief and while not particularly respectful, they weren’t nasty. They’re high schoolers, they’re bound to be critical. But these two particular students were being overcritical to a point it began to make my blood boil.
I kind of wish I said something to them, but I wasn’t going to talk during the performances nor during the clapping. I wasn’t going to ruin a soloist’s moment of glory to scold a few jerks. Also, I should mention I was scared to say anything. I didn’t want to start a conflict, especially when I was about to go perform with those two fools. And I feel weak and kind of petty putting this in a Substack post rather than saying it to their faces. The two of them will probably never read this, so this post does nothing to address the original problem. But I bring this all up not to throw shade at these two students but to use them as an example of a problem I think extends throughout all of society.
I’d like to say neither one had any right to be critical of any student in any way. Unfortunately, being in an auditioned ensemble gets to some kids' heads. They realize they are among the top vocal performers in their school, and then the ego starts to grow. These two are perfect examples of that. Both think they are so musically talented that they have the right to be overly critical of everything they hear. As a member of this same auditioned ensemble, and as a section leader within it as well (which neither student I am talking about is a section leader as of now), I want to make it perfectly clear that neither has the musical talent nor the character that would allow them to be so critical of others’ performances. If they had the character, they wouldn’t have acted so foolishly to begin with.
I also want to make mention that I also do not have the musical talent or character to be overly critical. But the key difference here is that I recognize that despite my position in the ensemble, I am still a student. That’s why I’m in this ensemble to begin with. It isn’t a professional world-renowned choir. It’s a class. I am the student, not the teacher, and these two chucklenuts need to figure that out for themselves.
While I listened to them heckle and laugh, I wanted to tell them that as a teenager it’s easy to be a critic. As someone being alive in this day and age, it’s easy to focus on the wrong. Sure, someone got a little off tempo here. Sure, someone was a little flat there. Sure, this song is just not up my ally. But they still put on a good performance. These are tiny little things that are part of a giant performance. What went right outweighs what went wrong exponentially. Rather than nitpick the bad, I say focus on the good. Hey, this went right. Hey, I liked that part. Hey, that was pretty good. And a little constructive criticism is always good. People generally want to get better. But what they were doing wasn’t constructive. They were plainly making fun of the performers.
The first kid was just mocking people on stage. He made voices. He laughed when they made mistakes. He made faces at different things. He was just being a flatout idiot really. And all of this reminded me of his behavior earlier that day when we were rehearsing and there was a lockdown drill. Our whole choir was shoved into a smaller room and told to stay quiet. Let me tell you, if this weren’t a drill but an actual active shooter situation, that kid would’ve won himself the Darwin Award and probably have taken every one of us down with him.
He couldn’t stop whispering really loudly and chuckling. He brought in a plastic water bottle and was crinkling it. He kept moving around, making footsteps. He kept running into things. He was peeking out of the door. He even hit someone with his water bottle, nearly starting a fight in our hideout. With all that stupid and careless behavior in mind, what right did this kid have to be so mean to these soloists?
But it was the second boy whose behavior and history hurt the most. He wasn’t just mocking those on stage. He had opinions. Opinions he had to tell everyone around him to flex his superior musical knowledge. He actually made open comments about what he found wrong with each performance, and none of them were kind. And the cruelest thing about this came from the fact of who it was who was saying all of this.
This kid has a terrible history. He’s a plain bully. He picks on people all the time. He has to show off all the time. He’s even been suspended before. Already, this paints a terrible picture for this guy. But why should that bother me? A mean person being mean? And this surprises me how? No, the actual gut punch comes when you consider that despite his wretched record, he is something of a golden child in the choir. He sucks up to teachers all the time, especially the choral director. He supposedly has all of this “talent” that I’ve been waiting to see for a long time, but whatever. He’s gone to honor choirs that nobody else has gotten to go to because of his “great talent,” which didn’t really bug me until now. I’m fine with him going to honor choirs all by himself if he actually brought things back to our choir. When I go to honor choirs, I learn not only for myself but for those who didn’t get to go. That way, when I come back, I can tell them some of the things I learned so then not only do I improve as a musician, but they do too. Then we improve as a choir.
This kid comes back from honor choirs with nothing but a bolstered ego that shouldn’t exist in the first place considering his track record.
He doesn’t learn to help, he learns to flex. He’s got to be the best. He’s got to be number one. And he can’t stand to have anyone be better. Maybe that’s why he was such an ass during those performances. He prepared a solo for that night, but out of his own irresponsibility missed auditions. Maybe he was pissed that in that way, those performers proved they were better than him by just showing up to those stupid solo auditions. So he resorted to the petty method of proving himself the best by showing off his musical knowledge when putting down the soloists on stage. To me, he proved nothing other than he’s a real asshole.
Perhaps it’s really petty of me to even mention this, but he had a solo verse in one of our choir songs that night. And his pumped up ego made him stylize the hell out of that thing, which sounded good out of context, I’ll give him that. But in context, it was way too much, came way too early in the song, and did not work with the chords the choir was singing behind him whatsoever to the point it sounded more like a voice crack crossed with a burp rather than stylization. Maybe that’s a testament to what he saw that moment as. He didn’t care to hear the choir. All he wanted to hear was himself.
I don’t like being critical in that way. But I only mention that because he was a critic first. I mention that to refute everything he said about those performers who had the courage to stand up on stage in front of their family, friends, and possibly even enemies and express themselves in song. Those who put in the work and responsibility of preparing a solo and auditioning with it. Those who even with a few errors (we’re all human, and even more so, we’re all awkward teenagers) put on spectacular performances in the face of some fools who were only trying to impress others by being mean. I won’t be a critic unless provoked, and to those two arrogant dumbasses in the audience that night, I say neither of you had any right to be a critic either.
I guess while I’m spouting off hottakes, I liked Shin Godzilla. Hell, I even liked Godzilla Singular Point. And yes, I do like the American Monsterverse franchise. I don’t have to be loyal to the Japanese movies and hate the American ones or vice versa. And guess what? I. Enjoyed. The. Netflix. Anime. Godzilla. Trilogy. Yes, I have opinions about all of them, but they’re all good in one way or another and I’m tired of pretending they’re not.
Okay, that one was pretty niche. For a more controversial one, I’m not against the cloning of the woolly mammoth. Actually, I want to see one. Yes, I am aware there could be problems with it. Yes, I’m aware they’ve been extinct for over 3,000 years. But even with all that in mind, I still want to see one. Maybe it’s reckless thinking, but hey.
And maybe the most controversial yet? I think we should restore wild bison populations to their historical range with no regard for human or economic safety. Maybe I shouldn’t have mentioned that one but I’m heated.
Growing up in a musical family, I was told that music is a part of us. Before babies can talk, they sing (or at least try to). Before they can walk, they dance. Everyone loves to sing. Everyone would be happier if they sang. The world would be a whole lot better of a place if it was all a lot more musical. But it isn’t, because people are afraid to sing. People are afraid to dance. They’re afraid of making a fool of themselves. They’re afraid of being criticized. Music is an expression of oneself, and why should we criticize that? The whole world would be better off singing its heart out if it weren’t for supposed “music lovers'' like these two dorks who gatekeep music like it’s theirs alone. And because of them, the world is a far colder place than it would be if everyone was allowed to sing their heart out.
If you enjoyed this post, here’s some other posts I’ve written that you might also like (and they’re a lot less angry).
Also, I’d really appreciate it if you checked out my narratives!
Unfortunately there are bullies everywhere that need to put others down in order to feel important. I am so happy that you are kind and even with all of your many talents you do not let it make you arrogant or mean. I know that kids deserve a second chance, but when they have not learned from their previous behavior and consequences, and are still behaving the same way, they should not be treated better than others.
There is a saying “sing like no one’s listening and dance like no ones watching “ . Oh to be that brave in public. I’m sorry the actions of these 2 upset you enough to express it in this forum.